We all need a role model
I didn't appreciate it at the time, but my father taught me a critical life lesson
One cold, rainy day a few years ago I realised my life had become completely transactional. I was a perpetual motion machine, rarely sitting still. Too many business conversations. Too busy to appreciate the important people in my life. Confusing my work with my identity. Too much time online. No rest. Becoming tough, judgemental and impatient, not really liking myself. It was exhausting, and cut me off from family and friends.
I then remembered a day long before when my father showed me how, even in the world of business, you can value relationships and appreciate people’s intrinsic worth. One blizzarding Christmas Eve he asked me to drive him to dozens of homes all over Toronto on a gift-giving mission.
At each house we'd pull up and I'd ask, ‘Who lives here?’
‘This is Audrey, my former secretary.’
Or, ‘This is Ming-Lee, the bank teller. who was always so helpful.’
Or, ‘This is Enzo, the carpenter who worked for me for twenty years.’
He’d select a gift from the back seat, hobble through the accumulating snow on fused, arthritic ankles and, at the front door, thank them warmly for kindnesses rendered years before. Back in the car, he’d dust off the snow and direct me to the next person, who could be any race, nationality or social position.
For Dad, relationships were valuable in themselves and the source of his success. For me, his actions spoke louder than words.
Now when I find myself getting too busy, this wonderful memory of Dad reminds me to hang out with my wife, and connect with neighbours, friends and relatives I may not have spoken with for weeks or months. To chat with someone without hurrying off.
Psychologists agree men think vertically. We look up to those we wish to emulate. While I'd never ask him for advice on investing or love, Dad was my role model for relationships simply through what he did.
Our society is desperate for good role models. There's such a confusing array of unhealthy role models on-line selling twisted versions of hyper sexualised, aggressive, greedy masculinity, deluding some men into thinking that's who they need to be.
We all need at least one person worth emulating. Like my Dad, he or she will never be perfect so we must be realistic, picking the aspects we admire and forgiving the parts that aren't so great.
And we can't forget others are in the same way looking up to us! We don’t need to be perfect either, just good enough. Let's give them some attention and take the focus off ourselves.
Are you taking the time just to listen to people rather than looking at your watch or wondering about the next sale? We all need role models to remind us of the intrinsic value of connection, and to remember we are role models for others, for good or bad.
