Assumption is the mother of all mistakes
So tell them what you want, what you really, really want.
Early in my career I had a succession of bosses who were quick to criticise but rarely told us what good performance looked like. I ended up in a clumsy dance with each one, guessing which move would ‘please the boss’ while trying to avoid mistakes and look good. Training initiatives were imposed without consultation. I wanted to do a good job but lacked a clear picture what that was. It was so demoralising I looked for other jobs.
One day yet another new boss arrived, but to our delight he made it clear what good performance looked like. It wasn’t just about getting it right, but helping create a winning culture through problem solving, honesty and respect. In our one-on-one meetings he’d tell us what success looked like, then together we’d set goals, and create strategy and development plans. He was like a coach. I loved the clarity.
The most refreshing thing he did was ask what we needed from him to be successful. Imagine! I requested regular feedback on what I was doing right. He was true to his promise.
I thrived in this new environment. There was nothing wrong with me! In a very short time I went from a being a mediocre performer looking for another job to running a team developing new markets. And our company became the best in the business.
I took his management style with me over the years, trying my best to be clear both with staff and my bosses about my expectations. Even better, the consulting firm I joined had a methodology for facilitating expectations in teams.
There are four principles we can all use to create working environments where people thrive:
Create a shared view of reality, getting interested in others’ perspectives. It’s hard to do, though, in the heat of the moment when we are certain we are right and others are wrong. Some men find this particularly hard, preferring to die on a hill (taking everyone else with them) rather than backing down. How can we step back and at least invite other points of view?
Build trusting relationships. This can be difficult when relationships are already broken and people demoralised. Some men seem to default to hostility and thinking the worst of each other. How can we be more trusting before it has been fully earned, and give people the benefit of the doubt?
Align on shared goals and values. These may be written down in contracts or agreements, but there is always ‘white space’ no one has discussed making common objectives unclear. This is the place to dig deep to get everyone pointing in the same direction.
Aligned actions based on shared expectations, What do we need from each other to be successful? And what will we commit to do to help our colleagues? Many people only know what they don’t want but not what they want! This is the time for negotiation and clarity.
Let’s try to stop assuming people can read our minds, and tell them what we really, really want.
