The Cost of pride

Working hard is commendable; needing all the credit is a danger sign.

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The most shameful moment of my career occurred when my sales manager came to me with a hot lead in a new industry. “How much will they spend?” I asked. “About $100,000,” she replied. “Forget it,” I said. “I don’t even get out of bed for less than a quarter million.” She was crushed – and I’d lost an opportunity to diversify. My pride had blinded me. I believed I had everything under control and a big sale was imminent. But things didn’t turn out that way. The CEO lost confidence and demoted me. Back in my old consultant role, I had time to repent at leisure. Miraculously, I eventually came to enjoy a supporting role, helping both colleagues and clients to shine instead of taking the credit.

Pride is the deadliest of all sins because, according to CS Lewis, “There is no fault which makes a man more unpopular, and no fault which we are more unconscious of in ourselves.” One of my mentoring clients has been struggling with toxic pride since we started working together. His honesty is rare. He’s complained about arrogant bosses in London and Australia. He’s tried to show up his colleagues by overpreparing for meetings and taking on all the actions. He’s given his kids a hard time when they haven’t performed to his standards. But he also told me he wants people to follow him because they respect his values rather than his authority. The work he’s had to do is to take the plank out of his own eye rather than point to the dust in another’s. And realise leadership isn’t about hogging all the glory. And to

stop feeding his ego through his children’s achievements. We men struggle with our pride. We won’t ask for help, so we hurt ourselves doing DIY (I do). We’re too proud to admit to being sick and see a doctor. Some of us, especially older men, are lonely because we don’t want anyone to see our frailty. And so we burden our loved ones and have a lower life expectancy. Pride is always with us. The danger is not having anyone we can be vulnerable with to get a reality check on our ego-inflated, twisted perspective. And have a laugh with at how ridiculous we’re being! That’s the best antidote to pride. Do you have anyone you can be vulnerable with? If not, reach out to someone you trust and – even if you feel silly – tell them what you’re struggling with. They’ll probably say, “Yeah, I do that too.” These friends are worth their weight in gold.

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Originally published at Sorted Magazine - Jan/Feb 2023