The disappearing future
What do you do when you're in the job you always wanted, yet suddenly lose motivation? Your mojo is gone, and you just feel like you don't belong anymore.
What's going on?
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Several years ago, I had the best job ever — running a rapidly growing consulting firm, working with amazing people and great clients, and we were making a big difference. Yet after seven years of building, it all just evaporated. The job hadn’t changed. But I had sort of achieved everything I wanted, and I just felt lost and anxious about the future.
It’s the same for many of the hundreds of men I’ve worked with over the past couple of decades. When they reach their goals, instead of feeling satisfied, they begin to feel restless, lost, and uncertain about what’s next.
One man said it perfectly:
“Ten years ago, I was the youngest GM. Now I’m the oldest.”
He told me his team was underperforming — but he didn’t even have the motivation to deal with it.
Why does this happen?
When we fulfill our goals and don’t create new ones, we slow down — or stop completely.
Our future disappears.
Humans are future-oriented. What we see ahead of us shapes what we do, think, and feel today.
To thrive in the present, we need to see a good life ahead — where we’re becoming who we want to be and living in a healthy way.
And when life gets tough, it’s that vision of the future that keeps us going. It gives us hope and strength.
Why else would people risk everything to cross dangerous waters in overfilled boats?
Friedrich Nietzsche said:
“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”
It’s how people survive war and imprisonment.
But when the future feels empty, it drains our energy. We feel stuck. The void takes away our enthusiasm and hope.
We try to stay motivated or look for quick fixes — but they don’t work.
So, why does the future disappear?
Let’s say you’re in your mid-40s.
When you were 25, maybe you wanted to be a General Manager, start a business, or make a difference in the world. At that age, your goals weren’t always clear, but the future was exciting and it pulled you forward.
That dream powered you for 20 years. Now, that future is mostly fulfilled. Maybe not perfectly, but your 25-year-old self would be proud.
And here’s the issue: once a future is fulfilled — it disappears.
If you don’t create a new one, you end up stuck in the same mindset you had at 25, still chasing something that no longer fits.
That doesn’t make sense anymore.
What do you do now?
Logically, you need to create a new future. But that’s hard. So instead, we often distract ourselves. We stay busy. We avoid facing what’s really happening. But in the end, we just spin our wheels.
Here’s what I suggest:
First, be grateful for what you’ve achieved.
Then, let it go.
Take some time to listen to your longings — they hold clues about what might come next.
The future for a mature, experienced 45-year-old will look very different — and that’s okay.
I hope this has been helpful.
If you want to talk about your future, get in touch. Otherwise, I’ll see you next time.
Find out more about my services
Get in touch
