Speak a language people understand
To get what you need from others you must clearly speak a language that's understood.
A senior marketing executive with a global technology company recently told me of his frustration that none of his proposed marketing initiatives had been approved over the past year. He’s accountable for breaking into a new industry, but with even small budget requests knocked back, his task seemed impossible.
None of the other executives he approached for help could offer more than sympathy. He was demoralized and talking about quitting.
The work we did first was to shift the focus of the problem away from something he has no control over – the people who wouldn’t approve his initiatives. We then focused on how he was perceiving the problem and reacting to it.
Owning the issue got him thinking about what was missing in his communication. The approvers obviously didn’t think his proposals would make any difference. He needed to find out why, so he could shape his requests more effectively.
"What are these people accountable for?" I asked.
"Sales," he replied.
It became blindingly obvious. The driver for sales people is… sales! And what they need from marketing people like him is to fill their pipeline.
His challenge was to stop speaking 'marketing' – using strategic terms like "promoting industry collaboration" which simply did not translate – and learn sales speak.
This can’t be manipulative. It takes patience, care, and attention. He’s going to make the effort to ask questions and listen, and then make requests using their language.
If you are experiencing this kind of challenge (as I have many times) I suggest finding someone you trust to talk to and follow these steps:
■ Admit that you feel stuck or thwarted and use ‘I’ statements. When you say, "I am stuck", as opposed to saying, "those people are holding me back", you’re focusing on what you can control, which are your reactions and attitudes. It’s liberating!
■ Recognise the fixed mindset that insists the problem is insoluble and instead adopt a 'growth' mindset. To use the phrase of US psychologist, Carol Dweck: "This problem can be solved through learning and growth."
Go and find out what’s important to the people who are saying "no".
Are you speaking their language? I’m not suggesting you give up what’s important to you but understand the other and try to include both.